I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
