Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We had sex on a dog bed..
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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