i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
