you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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