nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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