Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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