sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I cockslap morals
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
