I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
