Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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