i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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