On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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