Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
