last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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