Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Randomize
