There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
