Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
