Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
