dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
