dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
