they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
