Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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