I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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