His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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