Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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