I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Randomize
