I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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