I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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