I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
