Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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