definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
