shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
