I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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