Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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