I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
