you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
