yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's official drugs can't kill me
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
