wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
