I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
