im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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