you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
