i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My pussy is not your playground.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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