Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
