She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
