Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
