Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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