Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
