In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
