If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My underwear smells like fireworks.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
