My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
