there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's no shave November. This is our time.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
