just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This is classic penis vs brain.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
