We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
