Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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