I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
