I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize