i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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