i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
