If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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