dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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